


Lassie Fell Down a Well

by MusicalRaven



Series: The Waters of Confusion [1]
Category: Psych
Genre: Bisexual Shawn, Confused Lassie, Eavesdropping, M/M, Seduction, Shawn is a smug bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalRaven/pseuds/MusicalRaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lassiter overhears something he really shouldn't have, Shawn drank three Redbulls, and Gus really should expect the unexpected. </p><p>In which everything happens way too fast and everyone is confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lassie Fell Down a Well

**Author's Note:**

> I'm steadily working on the next chapter of A Different Kind, but this little plot bunny just wouldn't go away.

Lassiter hadn't meant to eavesdrop. He thought the records room would be empty this time of night. Empty enough for a relaxing bit of alone time. Or what he was starting to call "No Spencer Time."

Apparently, as a result of Shawn drinking three red bulls in immediate succession just because Gus told him not to, Lassiter was stuck with a crazed Shawn absolutely determined to annoy Lassiter to death. If only the Psych office wasn't being fumigated. If only Shawn had been smart enough not to leave a giant box of tacos in the closet for over a month. If only Gus wasn't so much of a wuss not to do as Lassiter said and drag Spencer's skinny ass home. If only Lassiter knew where the brat lived so he could drag him there himself.

Lassiter sighed and shook his head. He just needed a good ten minutes without any human contact. That would at least make sure he didn't commit homicide right there in the damn police department.

Much to his chagrin, however, he could hear voices coming from the records room. He frowned. The break room was bound to have someone and the cells were actually occupied tonight. Which meant this had been his only option. He felt like slamming his head against the wall. It was just his luck that peace and quiet was absolutely impossible tonight.

No. He thought, straightening up. No way he was going to take this. He needed this now, dammit. Whoever was in there could find some other place to talk. He deserved this.

Just as he went to shove the door open, ready to give them a piece of his mind, he heard his name.

"-Lassiter isn't at all his type. It just makes no sense." He heard Gus say. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, bewildered. He wasn't who's type? And wait- did Gus say "his?"

"Does he even have a type?" Juliet's voice asked, sounding just as bewildered as Lassiter felt.

"I know it doesn't seem so, but yeah. Shawn has a type just like anyone. Blond, skinny, and athletic usually, although he has been known to date snarky brunettes."

Lassiter's mind all but ground to a halt when he realized the mysterious "he" was suddenly the duffus who had been terrorizing him all night. He couldn't be hearing this right. Was Shawn-? Could he actually-?

"Well couldn't he just like Lassiter to like him?" Juliet asked. It went silent for a few seconds. "Yeah okay maybe not."

"It's just…it's just weird! I mean, even when he was chasing after that lingerie model, he never tried this hard."

"Wait you mean he's been flirting this whole time?" Juliet asked incredulously.

It went silent again and Lassiter leaned his back against the door, rubbing a hand over his mouth and shaking his head in disbelief. He had to be dreaming. This was a nightmare. A Shawn fueled nightmare.

"Look," Gus said eventually, sounding exhausted. "Shawn has this 'technique' as he calls it. First, he figures out if the person he likes is endeared by him or annoyed by him. The former is the easy one. He continues being 'charming'- these are his words not mine- until they are his 'beloved marshmallow.'" Lassiter made a face at that. "But the latter? All he said on that one when i asked was 'well, i gotta keep trying right?' And yeah okay that makes sense right? But seriously, Shawn has the attention span of a goldfish. Only once in a while does he actually chase anyone. But this is the only time I've seen him chase someone for more than a few months, Jules. It's been years. And he's still not giving up."

"Do you think he might actually-?" Juliet started but Gus cut her off, voice quiet.

"I think he actually might. And that's what scares me. He's just gonna get hurt."

"But maybe Lassiter-"

"No way he could, Jules. You know Lassiter isn't like that."

Lassiter had heard enough. He turned around, ready to try his luck with the break room and get very, very drunk. But when he turned, he came face to face with a grinning Spencer. He barely managed to reign in a scream, letting out a squeak and choking on his own saliva instead.

"Damn Lassie, you sure are excited to see me." Shawn said with that damn smile still plastered on his stupid face. He felt torn between running away and killing him.

"Oh c'mon," Shawn said when Lassiter just stared at him. "Did a dog eat your tongue? Say something. Like 'Oh Shawn, my hero.'"

Lassiter narrowed his eyes and thought 'fuck it.' He grabbed Shawn's shirt with both hands, taking a second to savor the pure surprise on his face, before slamming him back against the wall with a growl of anger. Shawn gasped as his head hit the wall hard, pain radiating out through his skull.

"Ugh," He groaned, rubbing his head. "Lassie I know i told you i like it rough but-"

"What in Hell's name is wrong with you?" Lassiter snarled, the malice in it making Shawn's eyes widen. He licked his lips and swallowed hard. He had no idea why Lassie was this mad, but he needed to diffuse this fast, or he might end up Swiss cheese. And not the good kind. That processed kind you only get at places like Walmart. Or IKEA. Shawn cleared his throat.

"What's wrong, Lassifrass? Weren't we having fun?" Shawn batted his eyelashes, going for an innocent look.

Lassiter barked a laugh. Not a nice laugh like a puppy bark. More like a pissed off Rottweiler's bark. Scary. And loud.

"You think that was fun? I wanted to strangle you within minutes. You are so aggravating and idiotic and you really should be put in a jail cell far far away from me." Lassiter huffed and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "But of course, you're still here, and of course, you're even more of an idiot than I thought you were."

Shawn blinked, confused. "Uh, well, they were just so good...and Gus's angry face is so funny..."

It was Lassiter's turn to be confused. "What?" He snapped.

"The red bulls." Shawn said with a shrug, grinning again. "I feel like I could fart rainbows. Wanna help me try? C'mon you know you-"

"I didn't mean the red bulls!" Lassiter exclaimed, clenching his fists tighter in Shawn's shirt, choking him a little. He barely even heard the squeak of the door behind him, too intent on the man looking just as bewildered as he felt. "I meant you actually- you actually-" He grimaced and flexed his fingers, not wanting to say the words.

Shawn's eyes flickered to behind him then back onto his face and suddenly, Lassiter just saw him change. One minute he was looking confused and somewhat frieghtened. The next he actually looked...smug!

"Oh, so you heard them talking." Shawn said, gesturing over Lassiter's shoulder. Lassiter furrowed his brow and glanced behind him. He instantly paled. Juliet and Gus were standing in the doorway of the records room, staring at him like he was a giant monkey's ass. Lassiter's fists loosened on Shawn's shirt, his cheeks starting to go a bit red. But before he could think of a way to get himself out of this situation, he felt Shawn tap on his arm, reminding him he was still there and instantly flaring up his anger again. He turned back to him to give him a piece of his mind again and, too quickly for his mind to process, Shawn grabbed his tie, pulled him forward sharply and _kissed him_.

Lassiter froze, unsure that this was actually happening. He could feel Shawn's body pressed close to his, his lips slidding enthusiastically over his own. He couldn't breath. He wanted to shove him away but...but he didn't actually want to. And that was making it harder to breath.

After a few seconds, Shawn pulled back an inch, smirk back on his face, and he whispered, "Lassie baby I'm gonna need you to do better than that." Lassiter blinked, mouth falling open a bit in shock. Did he really just _challenge_ him? Over a kiss? He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But then again...

Before he could second guess himself, Lassiter surged forward and kissed Shawn, pushing them back against the wall again. Shawn gasped, but not from pain this time, and that made Lassiter smirk. He shifted, moving a leg between Shawn's to fold himself closer to Shawn's body and bit his lip lightly. Shawn shivered, kissing him harder in response. It was Lassiter's turn to gasp.

Suddenly, he was pushed back, Shawn's had still on his tie and a satisfied smirk on Shawn's face. "That was much better." Shawn said and Lassiter just stared at him, face undoubtedly quite the dark shade of red.

He heard someone clear thier throat and quickly remembered they weren't alone. He let Shawn go, stepping back and to the left. Away from Shawn. Away from everything. He didn't even bother to look at any of them. He turned around and walked away.

As he did, he said loudly,"Get back to work." The three stared after him, no one sure how to process what just happened. But one thing was sure, Shawn knew. He didn't have much more to do before Lassiter actually admitted he liked an idiot named Shawn Spencer.

 

 

Fic inspired by this [lovely artwork](http://feriowind.deviantart.com/art/PSYCH-shut-your-mouth-292668584) by [FerioWind](http://feriowind.deviantart.com/):


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